Dear Philippa,

 

Things are not always what they seem. I know a chap who went with his wife to New York City to talk business with a couple of guys. They met in a sprauncy restaurant and settled down to a pleasant evening, swapping snapshots of grandchildren and admiring the decor. The others present, although clearly members of the party, were not actually eating but standing, backs to the walls, cradling violin cases. Such very nice people, thought the couple, and musical too! Not a Notting Hill Gate situation, of course, not The Ivy quite,but such charming guys. Not guys as it turned out, but wiseguys. Not what they seemed.

 

Which brings me to my point: chubby kids. You may have read in the press about the parents who received a harsh memorandum from some branch of the education service declaring their 12 year old son to be dangerously overweight following a school weigh-in, at high risk of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and hives. The photograph of the child did not bear this out, though as he was in school uniform and it’s hard to be sure, unless they were to come off – something to be suggested only by the very brave or the CRB checked. But supposing there had been a bit of chub about him? I have over recent years watched two nephews grow. Around the 12-14 year period both boys, having previously been built like a jockey’s whip, got a bit porky. I know that their mother, herself a teacher and therefore wise, has always exercised careful control over their diets, deploying all her considerable culinary talents to ensure balanced servings at every meal.

 

So what went wrong? Puppy fat is what, the forgotten factor. Following this temporary ballooning both boys had phenomenal growth spurts, six inches in less than a year, and now at twenty and fifteen they are 6 foot 3 super-fit rugger buggers with abs like cobbles. Anyone who has reared a child knows that the arrival of chub heralds a growth spurt – it’s nature’s way. What would have happened if the health police had taken their metric snapshots during the pre-growth period? For sure, a letter containing grim prognostications, possibly also threats. Certainly guilt and misery would result, all because well-meaning fools with little understanding of normal child development have a wholly unjustified satisfaction with their own judgement.

 

Now we read of a junior school headteacher who has ruled that two children may not cycle to school and as he cannot enforce his opinion on the parents has reportedly threatened to report to Social Services. Who is this man? Is he a parent himself? If so, is he a good parent?  We are not told. One of the most negligent fathers I ever observed was a teacher, and a good one. And whence comes his confidence not only to substitute his own judgement for the parents’ but also to menace them with one of the most powerful, and least accountable, agencies of the State?

 

Anyway, if ever you are invited to a business dinner in New York with Sal “The Hit” Pentangele and Micky “Two Guns”  Corleone, think twice. The presence of violin cases does not necessarily mean that there will be a string quartet playing during the main.

 

Best wishes

 

Howard.