Dear Philippa,

 

Last week I spent a day going round the retail businesses in the town asking people to display my splendid election poster. I started at places where I am known as a regular customer, with excellent results. The cold-calling was more mixed, with about half I think agreeing to help, and those who refused did so because they did not want to be seen as politically partial. My resemblance – fancied resemblance in my view, but clearly a widely shared delusion -  to Alf Garnett is a definite asset.

 

So my face is to be seen at vital locations, such as barbers, newsagents and so on. No sign yet of my opponents, who are a little slow off the mark; exhausted perhaps after four years of office. Maybe they are wiser than me, letting me run the risk of peaking early then nipping smartly ahead at the finish. But I have an ace in the hole – a new grand-daughter due on 11th April, just the right moment to update my website.

 

The bad news is that some of my posters are being torn down. One retailer appears to have received “a phone call”, following which he removed the two posters he had placed earlier. But on the other hand, a couple of others, on hearing about this, removed theirs from internal display to more prominent window locations. Perhaps I am doing something right. Reminds me of a colleague during my teaching days who, when he was standing for some public office or other, complained to me that he had “had increment pushed through (his) letter box”. Obviously he meant something other, but it did reveal, that little Freudian slip, the preoccupation of teachers with their pay.

 

Easily the most exciting development has been the alteration of my election posters that appear in the window of Linton’s Pet Shop in the market place. Done in the spirit of April Fool’s Day by the ladies in the shop, by doctoring two of my posters they implied that Alf Garnett, Sean Connery and I might be triplets separated at birth. It caused a sensation in the Market Place, attracting much interest in the pet shop and in me. I expect that Alf and Sean (as they insist I call them) will get a few write-in votes on May 5th. As you will see from the photo – we could be sisters.

 

Best wishes,

 

 

Howard